Brexitwatch: Waiting for the German Carmakers by Samuel Beckett

In what's being described as the literary sensation of the century, I have discovered a hitherto unpublished play by Samuel Beckett, the great Irish dramatist, who wrote in English and French. Entitled 'Waiting for the German Carmakers', its central characters are two tramps - Johnson and Davis.

Davis says he was 'Secretary of State for (being unable to deliver) Brexit', while Johnson claims to be 'Prime Minister', though as his constant telling of ever more outrageous lies is a joke that runs through the play, it is not clear whether he is to be believed.

Because of the constraints of copyright, I can reproduce only the final scene of the play, which features one other character, a messenger boy named Farage, who says he's English, but has a French name and a German passport, and whose money (or at least the part we know about) all comes from Europe.

Davis and Johnson stand aimlessly by roadside. Enter Farage stage very far right. 

DAVIS: You have a message from the German carmakers?
FARAGE: Yes. They won't save you today.
DAVIS: But will they save us tomorrow?
FARAGE: Yes.
DAVIS: Without fail?
FARAGE: Yes

Farage exits even further far right. 

JOHNSON: Let's go and apply to rejoin the EU.
DAVIS: We can't.
JOHNSON: Why not?
DAVIS; Because we're waiting for the German carmakers! (Aside) And because Cummings would beat your head in.
JOHNSON: Ah, yes!

Davis and Johnson continue to stand aimlessly for a few moments. Then with sudden animation Johnson grabs Davis by the fraying lapels of his disintegrating jacket.

JOHNSON (shouting). Shut up about the German carmakers! They're not going to save us! But I don't care! I know I said we're going to have frictionless trade, but we're not! We're going to have trade with loads of friction! In fact, we won't have any trade at all! F**k business! I'm still the World King, and everyone has to obey me! Except Cummings, of course, oh and Putin, and Trump,

The curtain descends as Johnson continues to declaim his list with growing irritation as his voice fades into the distance

and Scotland, all right and Northern Ireland, Wales, Bury Council, Hartlepool........

The Wilhelm Gustloff - the worst ever maritime disaster

The Narrow Escapes of World War Two series on the Yesterday tv channel this week featured the worst maritime disaster in history. On the night of 30 January 1945, the German cruise liner, the Wilhelm Gustloff was carrying more than 10,000 refugees, soldiers and sailors, packed like sardines, trying to escape the advancing Red Army.

The vessel was heading along the Baltic coast from Gdynia in what was still occupied Poland towards Kiel when it was hit by three torpedoes from the Russian submarine, S-13, about 20 miles off shore.

The captain had reluctantly put on the ship’s navigation lights in order to avoid a collision with German naval vessels in the area, and this had made it a highly visible target for the submarine. In the resulting nightmare with icy Baltic water pouring into the ship, some passengers simply decided to end it all, and shot themselves.

A few people managed to get into lifeboats, and about 400 were picked up by a German destroyer, but altogether it is thought that no more than 1,000 people survived. For the full story, see A Disastrous History of the World.

The shelling of Hartlepool + 100

100 years ago today…..German warships shelled a number of towns on England’s Yorkshire coast. The First World War had come home to Britain in an unforeseen way. Many had expected the first threat to civilians to come from air raids.

The first shells hit the important shipbuilding centre of Hartlepool at about a quarter past eight in the morning. Nine soldiers manning a battery and 7 sailors were killed, but most of the 100+ casualties were civilians – men, women and children.

The ships then moved on to Scarborough (pictured) where a church was hit during a Holy Communion service, while a shop that was damaged quickly put up one of those defiant signs saying ‘Business as usual’, which would become so familiar in both world wars. Whitby was hit too. The Times commented that there was ‘an entire absence of panic’, though many people fled to the countryside.

The attacks had one or two consequences the Germans may not have foreseen, with 22,000 Hartlepool men volunteering for the armed services and the town regularly winning prizes for the amount of money it raised for the war effort. For more on this story, see A Disastrous History of Britain.

AIDS - the German Patient

When I first reported on AIDS in 1985, it seemed like a death sentence for those diagnosed with the disease.   Then along came antiretroviral drugs which allowed people to live with the illness provided they could afford the medicines.   Now comes real hope of a cure.

Last month’s International AIDS Conference in Washington DC reverberated with talk about a man from Berlin named Timothy Brown, who was already infected with the HIV virus (which causes AIDS) when he underwent radical treatment for the leukaemia from which he also suffered – namely, the complete destruction of his immune system.

To provide him with a new system, his doctor found a donor with a rare genetic mutation which gives immunity to HIV infection.   Then he treated Mr Brown with bone marrow cells from the donor.   After this, the HIV virus seems to have disappeared from Mr Brown’s body.

The treatment would be too expensive and too risky to try on a large scale, but it is one of a number of signs that a cure may be possible.   In the meantime, the disease still managed to kill 1.7 million people last year.