Stop the boats! Stop the ULEZ! Stop the Green Cr*p! Stop the Woke Climate Blob!
That's how we'll win the next General Election!
Now, of course, saving the world from frying and ensuring our children and grandchildren have a planet to live on involves making some tough choices, and I've made them! I've taken the tough decision to delay all the action we Tories promised we would take to fight global warming! We know saving the planet is important, it's just that saving my job and the job of Tory MPs is more important!
I've also taken the incredibly tough decision to scrap a whole lot of laws that don't exist!
Now, we can't have action to fight global warming making people in Britain poorer. That's Brexit's job!
And speaking of Brexit, I know some of you have been concerned that my promise to be honest about global warming means that I might start being honest about Brexit! Don't worry. There'll be no nonsense of that kind! And, by the way, I'm not really being honest about global warming either! There will be no backsliding from the Conservative policy of lying whenever it's convenient.
So Stop the Boats, Stop the Ulez and we Tories can rule for another five years, or until the end of the world, whichever comes sooner.